Hardship Through Childhood

This week, we continue our “Thankful for Hardship” series by hearing from Michelle Wheeler and the hardship she faced in her childhood and teen years. Michelle is a wife to Seann (who she met in her high school youth group!) and mom to Miriam, Nathan, Levi, and Sarah. 

Recently, I’ve felt as if I was on a kayak going through rapids. It’s been a challenge to keep my eyes on Jesus. But at this point in my life, I’ve come to the same place as many of Jesus’s followers: “Lord, to whom [else] would we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

I’ve been walking through a season of struggle. However, last May, I was invited to a ministry called Celebrate Recovery (CR), a program with Christ as its cornerstone. The slogan for this ministry is "Finding freedom from hurts, habits and hang-ups." I walked through the doors thinking I was just going for a free meal, kids' play date and some "me" time. I did not realize; I needed this program.

CR has been helping me to identify things that have hurt me. I've knowingly and unknowingly allowed others to hurt me. I've been encouraged to look back through life and take an inventory of how past pain has shaped who I am today. It’s often the case that the same things that we struggled with in childhood circle back and sneak up on us again as we age. The pain of neglect quietly asks, "Are you sure you’re fully loved by Jesus; or better yet, by the people in your life?"

I felt neglected by teachers. One teacher called me a crybaby in front of the class.  

I felt neglected by classmates. My class often teased me, making me feel alone.  

I felt neglected by society. As a young teen, I entertained suicidal thoughts, thinking no one would miss me.  

And when I finally thought there was someone in my life who truly loved me, I found myself emotionally trashed and left in shambles 3 years into our relationship when he chose someone else.

I tried so hard to please everyone around me and wound up full of shame, broken, and consumed with resentment, bitterness, and anger, feeling lost, wondering how I’d sunken so low. This wasn’t supposed to be part of my story…

A couple of weeks ago at CR, the speaker encouraged us to take note of our past hurts. Then he said, "It’s not about your past, it’s about your future." Jesus helps us forgive even the most unforgivable offenses because He forgave ours. Jesus came to walk with you through grief, to remove your shame, to remove your anger, to remove your bitterness, to soften and heal you. I tried to heal myself and failed.

Jesus changes everything. I’m here for His glory and my good. He is renewing me, blessing me with joy, and giving me purpose. To shine His glory. To sing a new song because He longs to hear from me, and to follow the steps of His Son Jesus to love like Jesus and live like Jesus.

Lord, thank You for taking all things and transforming them to glorify You. Lord, help us to release the hurt we’ve experienced from our sin and the hurts inflicted on us by the sins of others. Guide us to forgive others and ourselves just as you have forgiven. Amen.

May you be blessed this week as Jesus loves you.