Desexualizing the Imago Dei (Imago Dei #5)

About twenty years ago, a teenage girl made an appointment to meet with me. That was unusual, because at the time I was the young adult pastor — I worked with college students up through people in their mid-thirties. She was fourteen or fifteen. So I was curious why she was not meeting with the youth pastor instead.

We sat down and I asked her, why me? She explained that her older sister was part of our young adult ministry and had a lot of respect for me and my wife, so she thought I might be someone who could help. And the subject she needed help with was not something she felt ready to talk about with her youth pastor yet.

Now I was really curious. What could she want to discuss with me that she wanted to keep from her own youth pastor?

She looked at me and said: I am attracted to girls. I am not attracted to boys. What I want to know is, did God make me this way? Is it okay to be gay?

Twenty years ago that question was usually asked quietly, in private — because the majority of Americans, and certainly the majority of churches, would have answered no. And even someone who said, well, that part is fine, would have gone on to say that marriage is still for one man and one woman. That was back when the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 was still the law of the land, and only Massachusetts had passed a law recognizing same-sex marriage.

How times have changed. We are now years into a federal law allowing same-sex marriage. Movies, commercials, music videos — virtually everything in our culture assumes the answer to that question is yes. And churches that once would have said no now not only say yes and welcome people, but go further and affirm them and officiate their weddings.

So you are probably wondering what I said to that young woman twenty years ago, and whether it is the same thing I would say today. To help you understand both, I want you to open to 1 Corinthians chapter 6.

A Word About Me Before We Start

One thing you should know as we dive into today’s topic: I do not like arguments. I do not like controversy. I am not good at confrontation. It is simply not how I am wired. If you want to sit down and have a genuine, respectful conversation where we truly listen to one another, I am completely game. But the yelling, the straw man arguments, the gotcha one-liners that play so well on social media and cable news — that is not me.

I tell you that so you understand what it means that I am wading into this anyway. It means I think this matters. But it also means I am not doing it to stir the pot. Some churches take on subjects like this hoping for a crowd. That is not my goal. My goal is to help you live like Jesus lived and love like Jesus loved. Which means that if you follow Jesus, you and I need to see how Jesus viewed human beings, what his approach to them was, and then go and do likewise.

I am not here today to convince you of my way. My hope is that you would encounter God through the Scriptures, see what he has for us, and be able to truly live and love like Jesus.

The Text: 1 Corinthians 6:12–20

“All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything. Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food — and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! … Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Last week I shared my view of the Scriptures, and I will restate it briefly: I believe a perfect God perfectly wrote these words through imperfect authors to convey to the original readers — and to people across all of time, culture, and history, right down to us — exactly what we need. So I do not believe this is merely Paul sharing an opinion, even though he was fully convinced of what he wrote. I believe this is God writing through Paul, the Holy Spirit guiding him to write exactly what we need to hear even today.

“All Things Are Lawful for Me”

Paul opens in verse 12 with a phrase that was a colloquialism of that day. To understand it, you have to understand where he is writing.

Corinth sat on the isthmus between northern Greece and the southern peninsula. Any traffic moving north to south passed through it. Ships came into its bays and gulfs and unloaded goods and people. It was a massive trade hub, which meant people arrived from everywhere, bringing their religions, their ideas, their worldviews, and their sexual practices with them. Corinth had a temple where one of the cults employed prostitutes — engaging in sexual activity with temple workers was part of the worship. On top of that, both the Greek culture and the Roman Empire that governed it held extremely permissive views on sexuality. Corinth was, for its era, an exceptionally progressive community.

And Paul is writing to a church caught up in the confusion of it all. How confused? Back in chapter 5 he tells them he has heard there is a man in their church sleeping with his father’s wife. We do not know for certain it was a stepmother, but I suspect if it had been his biological mother, Paul would have said so. Paul essentially says: everything around you is seeping in, and I want to help correct it.

So he grabs one of their common sayings. All things are lawful for me. In other words, the people of Corinth were saying, it is not illegal, so I can do it. And Paul partly concedes the point. You are right, you can. But it might not be helpful. And notice what he adds the second time: “but I will not be dominated by anything.” In other words, sure, you could do that — but it might become the thing that enslaves you.

As we have seen in this series, the whole point of Jesus coming was to free us. To be owned by God is not to become an oppressed slave; it is to step into the freedom God has for us. Some people were saying, that is not illegal, I can do that. And Paul says, you are right, you can — but it may not be best for you. It may actually enslave you.

“Food Is Meant for the Stomach”

Then in verse 13 he picks up another common saying: Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food. This was not actually about eating. It was a euphemism for sex. The logic was: I have a stomach, so I should eat; I have sexual organs, so I should use them.

When my wife and I lived in Venezuela working at a school for missionary kids, I talked with a longtime missionary who had planted a church there. A woman in his church came to him because her husband was having serial affairs and she was exhausted by his infidelity. She asked the missionary to sit down with him. So he did, and told the man plainly that this was not good for him, not good for his marriage, and not what God had for him. And the man just waved his hand and said, my wife is the cathedral — but if the cathedral is not available, surely I should still worship. To him, that is simply how it is.

That is exactly what the Corinthians were doing. We have stomachs, so we eat. We have these organs, so we use them. And our culture is not far behind. One of our reigning mantras is: as long as it is between consenting adults, it is fine.

Paul’s response is that it may be allowed, but it may not be best.

Your Body Was Designed — and Purchased

Keep in mind as we continue that Paul is writing to Jesus followers. He is not addressing the general public. He is addressing people who say, I know the gospel, I have given my life to Jesus.

He writes: “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”

This takes us back to week one of this series, when God the Father says to the Son and the Spirit, let us make mankind in our image. We saw that he embedded that image into the DNA of humans — and he also placed that DNA in a body. So your body was designed by God and given to you by God. If you are human, the image of God is in you, and in a sense you belong to God. You should not simply take your body and do whatever you want with it.

Of course, most people do not acknowledge God. They see this body as entirely their own, so who are you to tell them what to do with it? That is why Paul pushes the argument further. As we saw in week two, you were not only created in the image of God — you were also purchased by God. That is verses 19 and 20: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

When a person puts their faith in the story of Jesus dying on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins, God’s Spirit comes to live within them. Ephesians 1 says you have been sealed with the Holy Spirit. So because the Spirit is in you, you cannot simply take this body that God designed and purchased and use it however you please for your own pleasure.

Here is what I have noticed, though: a lot of Christians flip this backward. A lot of Christians work hard telling the world — especially people who do not follow Jesus — what they are supposed to do with their bodies, while living as though all things are lawful for themselves. That is the wrong approach. If we are going to live like Jesus lived, we need a very different one.

But before we get to the approach, we need two things: a biblical truth to acknowledge, and a definition, so we know exactly what we are talking about.

Groundwork: God Made Us Sexual Beings, and It Is Good

When God made Adam and Eve, he made them as sexual beings. Genesis 1:26–27 gives us the image of God; verse 28 gives us the first thing God says to them: be fruitful and multiply. You do not need a biology class to know what that means. Go reproduce. And if God created it, it is a good thing. Look at how he made men and women — their bodies were designed to fit together.

But this is not only about populating the earth. Keep studying the Scriptures — go to the Song of Songs, or simply continue into 1 Corinthians chapter 7 — and you find that it is also for protection, and for bonding between people. In fact, the body releases oxytocin, a hormone that among other things helps create a bond between people. This is part of why God created this for one man and one woman to come together.

A Definition We Cannot Get From the Culture

Now, if Paul says the body is for the Lord and therefore not meant for sexual immorality, we need to know: what is sexually immoral?

So I thought about how our culture would currently define sexual immorality, and I came up with about six things. I think right now our culture would say cheating is immoral — unless you are in an open relationship. Along with pedophilia, rape, incest, bestiality, and necrophilia. I think if word got out that someone was engaged in those, most people would react with, that is not good, you should probably be arrested.

Here is the thing. That list twenty years ago would have been longer. It probably would have included number of partners. For some people it would have included same-sex relationships. A hundred years ago it certainly would have included same-sex relationships, along with things like visiting a brothel. The list of what counted as sexually immoral kept shrinking.

And I suspect that five, ten, or twenty years from now, that list will change again. Some things could get added, but more likely things will be taken away.

Why do I say that? A few years ago we did a series here on sex, and while researching it I learned that the top search terms on pornography sites involved step-family relationships. Most of you just reacted the way I did. But if that becomes normalized, I can see the potential for incest to eventually come off the list — for sexual activity between family members to become acceptable.

There is also an organization that has advocated for decades for sexual relationships between men and boys. They have gotten quieter because of cultural pressure against them, and they are relatively small, but they work behind the scenes to persuade Congress to lower the age of consent or eliminate it entirely. And they point to historical data — and there is historical data. Other cultures, including the Roman culture Paul was writing into, considered it perfectly fine for an older man to have a young male lover. And if it is consensual, they argue, it should be fine. So I can see the potential for even pedophilia to drop off the list someday.

Do you see how the culture’s views constantly shift? What you think is fine now was not always fine. And what you think is not fine now — guess what, someday you will be the old fuddy-duddy, out of step with what the culture says.

That is exactly why I do not think we should base our judgments on where the culture happens to be standing. We need to consider God’s definition instead. If God designed us as sexual beings, and then has the audacity to write to us through Paul that the body was not meant for sexual immorality — what does he mean?

God’s Definition of Sexual Immorality

Here is what I believe the Scriptures teach. God’s definition of sexual immorality is any sexual act performed outside the bonds of marriage between one man and one woman.

I realize that sentence is incredibly controversial. Thirty or forty years ago no one would have batted an eye at it. Today there are people hearing that who are deeply disappointed in me. Maybe you are getting angry. Maybe you are thinking, this is not a safe space for me. Maybe you are thinking you could never come back, that you will never listen to me again, because I had the audacity to say that.

Let me be honest with you. I do not want that to be the definition. Because I hear my culture, I wish we could simply say it is fine as long as it is between two consenting adults. What harm is it doing? There seem to be so many reasons.

When I sat with that young woman in my office twenty years ago, I asked her permission to meet again. I wanted time to read and research, because here was a great kid genuinely wanting to do the right thing, and I wanted to be able to tell her that as long as she was committed and no harm was being done, it was fine. But there was a part of me that sensed and knew the Scriptures taught something different. Maybe I had been wrong, though. I had been reading authors who argued that the traditional understanding of these texts was off, that this is what those authors actually meant, or that God has been progressing through these things.

I did not want to lead her astray. So I spent the next two or three weeks reading and studying — with a genuine bent toward finding an opening, some loophole that would let me tell her that as long as she was committed and loving and gentle, it was fine.

As hard as I tried, I could not find it. I felt that those arguing for same-sex relationships were doing hermeneutical gymnastics. I could not find their arguments convincing enough. And so I found myself having to sit down with her and say, here is what I believe the Scriptures teach — and my encouragement was that she would line her life up with what God had for her rather than with what her feelings had for her.

I want you to know I do not say this as some old-fashioned, out-of-touch, narrow-minded fundamentalist. I say it as someone with a high view of Scripture and a deep respect for historic, orthodox Christianity.

I also know that some of you are internally nodding right now, and others of you are shaking your heads and cannot believe I just said that. If you are listening to the podcast, some of you probably shut it off already.

Why I Am Not Going to Spend the Rest of Today Defending That

This is the point where a lot of pastors would launch into a defense of that definition and roll out verse after verse justifying it. I thought that was where we were going today. Then I realized it is not how we should do this.

First, you do not want to be here until three or four in the afternoon. Second, even if I could go that long, I could not do the subject adequate justice. And third, I fear it would take us off target — because I think there is something even more important for us.

If you want or need to have that conversation, please email me and we will schedule it. I am glad to have it. But for the rest of our time, let us go back to the question I asked earlier: what should our approach be?

The Approach: 1 Timothy 1:8–15

The same Paul who wrote 1 Corinthians also lays out a great approach in 1 Timothy. Turn to chapter 1, verse 8:

“Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted. I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.”

Notice what Paul does first. He calls out sin. He does not hold back. He is writing into a Greek and Roman culture that would have disagreed with much of what he just listed. They had no problem with same-sex relationships. It was common for certain masters to own slaves whose purpose was primarily sexual — those are the enslavers he names. He calls it what it is.

But then he does not do what so many of us Christians do. He does not play the holier-than-thou card. He does not pull out the trump card of well, I have never done that.

Did you notice what he does instead? He lumps himself right in with them. After listing all of that in verses 9 and 10, down in verses 13 through 15 he essentially says, and I am one of them. I was insolent. I was against God. And here is a trustworthy saying: Christ came into the world to save sinners — and I am the worst of them.

In other words, he does not look down on anyone else for their sin, because he is acutely aware of his own. And he realizes that if God can save him, God can save anyone.

How Do You View the People Around You?

I think that is the approach we need. To recognize that they are fellow image bearers just like us, and sinners just like us. And if sinners like us need Jesus, then what they need is not to be convinced they are wrong, or made to become straight, or persuaded of some position. What they need, first and foremost, is Jesus.

So here is my question for you if you follow Jesus. How do you view the people around you, especially when it comes to their sexual orientation and gender identity?

If you view them as awful, disgusting, and evil, then I suspect you do not appreciate how awful and disgusting and evil your sin is. Go back to verses 9 and 10 and start down the list. If you are like me, you can find some easy wins. I have never struck my mother or father. I have never murdered anyone. I have never enslaved someone. I am doing pretty well.

But how about the sexually immoral part? Have you ever lusted after someone who is not your spouse? Truly lusted? Have you ever slept with someone who is not your spouse? Roughly 96 percent of people have sex before marriage, so statistically most of you have committed sexual immorality. Have you ever viewed pornography? Ever fooled around in a drunken state?

And we could move off the sexual list entirely. Have you ever lied? Have you ever done anything contrary to sound doctrine — meaning, here is what God desires for you, and you went against it?

Every single one of us has sinned. Our sin is awful, disgusting, and evil. And yet Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. That is why we need a change of method and a change of perspective.

So if you consider yourself straight, and you have a fairly clean sexual past, and you do not struggle much with these things — you still cannot play the holier-than-thou card and pretend you are somehow better.

Sexual Sins Are Not the Worst Sins

Besides, I do not think sexual sins are even the worst sins. In Romans chapter 1, Paul describes a spiral of sin. It begins at the top with people not acknowledging God, and as they refuse to acknowledge him they slide downward. On the way down he mentions same-sex activity — and so many people get stuck right there, seeing it as the bottom, not realizing the slide continues. Keep reading Romans 1 and he goes on to envy, gossip, lying, deceit, cheating. It keeps spiraling.

And if you think about it, some of those common sins — the ones we tend to commit casually and feel fine about — cause more damage to fellow image bearers than some sexual sins do. Yes, sexual sins are sins against God and against your own body. But so many of these other sins wound others more deeply and more perversely.

So we cannot view people whose sexual struggles differ from ours as horrible, evil, awful people. They are just like us. Their sin and their struggle may be different, but they need what we need. They need Jesus.

Messy Grace

I think this approach works, and I want to tell you about a man it worked for. Caleb Kaltenbach wrote a book called Messy Grace. I listened to the audio version a few months back, read by him, and his story is fascinating.

He grew up the son of university professors who divorced early in his life — because both of his parents were gay. His father remained closeted for years; his mother almost immediately entered a committed relationship with another woman. Caleb spent most of his time with his moms and weekends with his dad, growing up in Kansas City. His entire community was the LGBTQ community. That was his family. He was at pride parades constantly. The people at his house were fun, loving, and caring.

The people who were mean and cruel in his life were Christians — because they were the ones at those parades holding hateful signs and yelling vicious things as the marchers walked past. His mother told him: don’t you ever become a Christian. Don’t you become like them.

In high school Caleb, who was not same-sex attracted, noticed a really cute girl — and noticed she had a Bible. That is too bad, he thought. But she did not act like those other Christians. One day she invited him to youth group. He figured he would go to hang out with her. Then he realized this might be his chance to learn what they believed so he could dismantle it and prove to them that his moms were fine.

But once he got in there, he began hearing about God’s love, God’s grace, and the gospel — and it changed his life. After several months, Caleb gave his life to Jesus and was baptized.

Then he had to go home and tell his moms and his dad. Imagine how difficult it is for a son or daughter who is same-sex attracted to come out to their parents. It was that, in reverse. They were angry and deeply disappointed, and they began badgering him with every argument for why he was wrong and why the Bible was wrong.

It would have been so tempting for Caleb to go off and master the arguments so he could come back and refute them. That is not what he chose. He decided that because God could love someone like him, God could also love someone like his mom, and her partner, and his dad. So he chose to engage in messy grace — because if God could give him grace, he could give them grace.

Caleb went to Bible college against their wishes. He went to seminary against their wishes. He became a full-time pastor against their wishes. But as time went on, they began to realize that Caleb was never going to reject them, that he genuinely loved them. And they began to actually listen and open up. Today Caleb is thrilled that both his mom and his dad have given their lives to Christ.

I do not think he would have ever seen that moment if he had done what so many of us Christians do — trying to win the argument, trying to make a gay person straight, trying to convince someone that if you have male anatomy you are clearly male so I refuse to use your pronouns. Instead he entered into the grace of loving them because God loved him.

I think that is the approach we need.

But What If This Is You?

What if you are attracted to the same sex? What if you are questioning your gender right now? What if you have a long sexual past? What if you are struggling with pornography? What if you are sleeping with multiple partners right now?

First, I want you to know I am glad you are here. You do not have to have cleaned up your act to walk through those doors. Because as Paul said, Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners like me, of whom I am the foremost. If God could forgive me and give me the opportunity to wade into awkward, difficult conversations like this one with you, he can forgive you.

So you do not have to clean up your act before you give your life to Jesus. You do not have to suddenly become straight. You do not have to suddenly figure out what it means to be male or female. You do not have to go back and apologize to every person you ever slept with. You do not have to get six months or a year of sobriety from pornography first.

You just come. Bring all of it. Bring your junk. Bring your past. Bring your sin. Lay it down before Jesus. God is not asking you to clean up your act before you come to him. He wants you to come to him so that he can help you clean up your act. He has something better for you, and he wants to be part of the change. So come.

Come, Surrender, and Live Faithfully

Some of you already follow Jesus. You know the gospel story. And yet the attractions have not gone away. The allure of pornography is still there. You still carry the thoughts from what happened in your past. You are still asking whether God put the wrong brain in this body.

So what do you do? You come to Jesus. And I will add one more part: you come to Jesus, you surrender this, and you seek to live faithfully.

I cannot imagine anything more difficult — or more beautiful — than a person who acknowledges their feelings, their desires, and their temptations, and then says, but I trust God.

That is why I have so much respect for people like Rachel Gilson, Rebecca McLaughlin, Christopher Yuan, Gregory Coles, and Jackie Hill Perry, along with a friend of mine. All of them are Christians who acknowledge that they are same-sex attracted and who have chosen to live biblically, because they are convinced of the definition I gave you. If you are not familiar with them, look up their names. You can find their books and hear their stories. They are an inspiration to me.

If you are like me — never drawn to someone of the same sex, never once questioning whether you are in the right body, without that particular history — you have to offer some empathy. You have to work to understand. You can be thankful God led you the way he did, but you have got to show love and care.

And if this is you, I want you to know: you are welcome here. Come. You now know where we stand on these issues, but we are not going to throw you out over them. We are going to do what we can to walk alongside you, to love you and support you — because we recognize that we are sinners too, and we are no better than you. If God can call us and use us for his glory and for the blessing of the world, I believe he can do the same in you.

The key is to come to Jesus. And as you come to him, realize that you are made in the image of God, that you have been purchased by the blood of Christ, that your sin is forgiven — and that you can take that message to others.

Come to the Table

Let me pray this over us. Father, help us as we keep wrestling with this. Our culture holds strong opinions and is very loud, and it is easy for us to end up like the Corinthians and get confused. Help us to trust you — to trust you with our lust, our desires, our temptations, and with the very way we think, recognizing that all of it has been twisted and tainted by sin. And yet you, Jesus, came to forgive that sin and begin the restoration.

For those of us who have lived in judgment of people struggling with sexual sin, let us repent of that judgment and recognize that we are no better, and that you died for us. For those of us struggling with sexual sin, having used our bodies however we wanted, let us hear that this body was created by you and is for you, and let us want to use it for your glory. Help us confess — maybe for the first time, maybe for the hundredth time. Your grace is inexhaustible; we could never reach the end of it.

And Lord, if there is anything I said today that hurt or harmed or was not in line with what you have for us, graciously let us forget it. But anything I said that was truly from you, no matter how much it stung, help us to recognize it as a surgical knife in your hand, wielded for our good.

One last thing, and it may be the most important: we cannot do this on our own. Do not let us fool ourselves into thinking we can walk out those doors and simply do better. We need your power in us. So for anyone here who does not follow Jesus, may today be their spiritual birthday — may they confess their sin, surrender their life, and receive your Holy Spirit to live in them and work through them. And for those who do know you, may they walk in your power, knowing they cannot do this in their own strength.

So as we come to the communion elements, may we recognize not only that Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of these sins, but that God has given us his Holy Spirit to help us live the kind of life he calls us to. We do not have to give in. All things may be lawful — but there is something better, and he is there, and we need him.

We practice open communion. If you know the story of Jesus dying on the cross for the forgiveness of your sins, that he rose again from the dead, and you have put all your faith in that story, then come. Come and worship. Come and confess. Come and give all of yourself to him.

If you are here today and you are not a follower of Jesus — you are simply not ready to take a step like that — that is okay. We will walk with you as long as you want to walk with us, and we will keep helping you understand and wrestle with this. But I would ask that you respectfully not come to the tables. Maybe you grew up in a tradition that allowed you to participate. I am not trying to withhold something from you; I want something better for you. This table is for those who know the story and have put all their faith in it. When you take that bread and that cup, you are saying that the body of Jesus was broken for you and his blood was shed for the forgiveness of your sins — you are taking that story and making it part of your story. So please, pray, sing, but hold off on the table.

And even if this is your very first time here, if you know this story: come. Come to Jesus with all of it — your junk, your baggage, your past, your sin — and lay it before him, and thank him for dying on the cross for your sins. Then as you take those elements in, ask him to help you become more like him. If Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners like us, then let us take that message to other sinners like us, so that they too might know the joy of what Jesus did for them through the cross. That is why we do this in remembrance of him.