From 2 Timothy 4:9-22
I recently had a random thought: How many sermons have I heard in my life? After some calculations, I estimated I've heard over 6,000—maybe even 7,500—sermons throughout my lifetime. Some changed my life. Most I've forgotten. I've heard sermons on money, sex, marriage, and parenting.
But as I prepared this week's message, I realized something surprising: despite all those sermons, I've rarely heard one specifically about friendship. This is odd, because nearly all of us have friends, and friendship is a topic that applies to everyone—unlike sermons on marriage or parenting that only hit subsets of the congregation.
Today, that changes. We're going to talk about friends because Paul concludes his final letter by discussing the friends in his life—some who abandoned him, some who stayed faithful. We'll discover what healthy friends look like, because healthy friends help build the spiritually healthy lives we long for.
As Paul writes these final words from his Roman prison cell, knowing death is approaching, there's an unmistakable sense of loneliness. That's why he opens in verse 9 with "Do your best to come to me soon"—he feels a gap in his life and longs for his friend Timothy to help fill that loneliness.
All of us have those sorts of gaps, and God, in His love, often inserts people into those gaps to help us through life. Paul shows us how sometimes those gaps exist because people leave our lives, sometimes they're filled when people return, and he helps us see both the type of friends we need and how we can be gap-fillers ourselves.
Paul begins by mentioning Demas: "For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica" (verse 10). We don't know exactly what Demas was chasing—wealth, pleasure, or worldly success—but he clearly lost sight of eternal things. This abandonment hurt Paul deeply.
Sometimes people will leave you for selfish reasons, and that's going to hurt. And it should hurt—if their abandonment doesn't affect you, it means you didn't really care about them to begin with.
But here's the crucial part: out of your hurt, you cannot try to hurt them back. When someone abandons us selfishly, we often want to block them on social media, delete them from our phones, and give them the cold shoulder when we inevitably run into them at Walmart. We push them away with a "stiff arm" treatment.
Instead, we need to continue treating them with kindness, respect, and honor. Why? Because sometimes these people come back into our lives, and if you've treated them rudely, they won't want to restore the relationship when God eventually works in their hearts and changes them.
Paul also mentions Crescens, who went to Galatia, and Titus, who went to Dalmatia. These weren't selfish departures—they were mission-focused. These men left Paul not out of self-interest but because they were being sent on mission, doing what Paul himself had done his entire ministry.
Sometimes friends will leave for the right reasons. God might call them to a new job, to care for a sick family member, to overseas missions, or to plant a church in another city. When this happens, it needs to be celebrated. Yes, it will hurt and you'll miss them, but they're being obedient to God and need your support.
We recently experienced this at Riverwood with Val Feyen. For four years, she was an incredible part of our church family—leading worship, growing in her faith, even getting baptized here. Selfishly, we wanted to keep her. She could have been an amazing worship leader, college ministry leader, or youth leader. But she knew God was calling her to OneWay Ministries in Chicago.
Like the early church in Acts 13 that was told by the Holy Spirit to "send Paul and Barnabas"—their very best—sometimes healthy churches have to send their best people. When they go, we celebrate and give them all our support.
But sometimes people come back into our lives, even after they've been selfish. Paul writes, "Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry" (verse 11).
This is remarkable because Mark—the author of the Gospel of Mark—had previously abandoned Paul and Barnabas during their first missionary journey, returning to Jerusalem for selfish reasons. In Acts 15, when they planned their second journey, Paul and Barnabas had such an intense argument over whether to give Mark a second chance that they split ways.
Yet somehow, through Barnabas's mentoring and later Peter's influence, Mark grew and matured. His selfish ways were exposed and transformed. Paul came to realize he'd made a mistake about Mark, and now he specifically requests his presence.
Paul refused to identify Mark by his worst moment. May we not identify people by their worst moments, because we don't want to be identified that way either. Show grace and kindness, because when God exposes people's foolishness to them, they often come back into our lives, and we might find ourselves saying, "I'm thankful for you. You are useful to me in ministry."
When Paul asks Timothy to come, we see three characteristics of spiritually healthy friends:
They Care for You Physically Paul asks Timothy to "bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas" (verse 13). Essentially, "bring my winter coat." Jesus-centered friends care about your physical needs. This is why at Riverwood, when someone has a baby or ends up in the hospital, we activate our care networks—because spiritually healthy people seek to support each other physically.
They Support You Spiritually Paul also requests "the books, and above all the parchments"—essentially, "bring me my Bible." Here's the man who wrote about two-thirds of the New Testament, coming to the end of his life, having studied and probably memorized most of the Old Testament scriptures. Yet he still says, "Bring me my Bible, because I want to continue reading, studying, and getting to know my God all the more."
Spiritually healthy friends encourage you in your faith. They ask what you've been reading and learning. They stop and pray for you—not just saying "I'll pray for you" but actually doing it right then and there. They do everything they can to help you live and love like Jesus.
They Support You Emotionally Paul shares two difficulties with Timothy: opposition from Alexander the coppersmith and abandonment during his first defense when "no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me" (verse 16). By sharing these burdens, Paul demonstrates that spiritually healthy friends provide emotional support during our darkest moments.
Too often we approach friendship with a "what's in it for me" mentality. We do this with entertainment, jobs, churches, and inevitably with friends: "What can I get from you?"
But Jesus said in Mark 10:45 that He "came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." If we're following Jesus, we can't just look for friends who make us feel good. We need to ask first: "What can I do to be that type of friend? How can I be a gap-filler?"
Am I being a Jesus-centered friend? Am I helping others physically, encouraging them spiritually, and supporting them emotionally? This is just as important as finding the right friends for our own lives.
The second crucial truth Paul reveals is why he doesn't hold bitterness against those who abandoned him. In verse 17, he writes: "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me."
Even when Paul was truly alone—no family, no friends, no lawyers—he wasn't actually alone. Christ was with him and strengthened him.
If you're a follower of Jesus, Scripture teaches that you have the Holy Spirit. God's very presence and power is always with you, always in you, always working within you. He can sustain and strengthen you through all things.
This doesn't mean you don't need counselors or friends or spiritual growth. But it does mean God is with you and can strengthen you. Even if it sounds cheesy, it's important to remember: if you're left with no other friends, Jesus is your best friend.
May we be people who are Jesus-centered, because He is always with us. He strengthens us to be the type of friends who support people physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Some friends will leave for selfish reasons—show them grace because they might return transformed. Some will leave for good reasons—celebrate and support their obedience. Some will return after growth—welcome them without holding their past against them. And the best friends will stick with you through everything, caring for your whole person.
But remember: before seeking such friends, ask how you can become that kind of friend to others. That's what it means to follow Jesus—not to be served, but to serve and give our lives for the good of those around us.
And always remember: even in our loneliest moments, we're never truly alone. Jesus, our best friend, laid down His life for us and promises never to leave us.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
