Man of His Word (Mark #33)

Years ago I was hired as the worship director at a brand-new church plant. (There’s a reason I’m not the worship director here — I really wasn’t that good.)

I candidated during week two of that church’s public ministry, and there were eleven people at the service. We stayed small for a very long time. We got so desperate that if a stray dog had wandered into the elementary school where we met, we’d probably have counted it in attendance.

So when a couple I’ll call John and Mary showed up — not their real names — we were thrilled. Actual people.

And to our genuine surprise, they came back. Then they came a third time. Few people wanted to attend church in an elementary school gym, and fewer still returned once they saw how small we were.

On that third visit, John told our pastor he was an early riser and asked whether he could help with the setup team. We were putting the nursery in the library and the service in the gym, so we said absolutely.

“How Do I Fix Her?”

The first morning he helped with setup, John approached the pastor and said that the reason he and Mary had started looking for a church was that their marriage was struggling. They were hoping religion might help. Could they get together and talk?

Of course.

I wasn’t in that conversation, but the pastor related it to me afterward.

John explained that this was Mary’s first marriage. For him, Mary was wife number four.

And the reason he wanted to talk was that Mary was starting to act just like his previous wives — so what did he need to do to fix Mary, so this marriage wouldn’t end in a fourth divorce?

The pastor gently but directly said: John, if they’re all behaving similarly, the one constant across all of it is you. So perhaps the place to start is the mirror — what do you need to address so this marriage can become what God calls it to be?

That was the last time we ever saw John and Mary.

Imagine Being Wife Number Five

For our purposes, imagine John and Mary do eventually divorce — his fourth.

Now imagine you’re a single woman who meets him. And on learning he’s been married four times, do you immediately start dreaming about becoming wife number five?

You’re laughing, because you’d hear that and not only keep your physical distance — you’d keep your emotional distance.

Why? Because he does not appear to be a man of his word. Four times he stood before a pastor or a judge and said until death do us part. Four times he broke that vow.

But How Often Do We Keep Ours?

We hear a story like that and think, I’d never want to be married to someone like that.

And yet how often do the rest of us fail to keep our word?

I wish I could say I’d kept mine one hundred percent of the time. That would be false. I probably haven’t managed it this past week.

When I was hired as a young adult pastor in Cedar Rapids, a woman leading a Bible study asked if we could meet to talk about it. I said I’d love to. This was before smartphones — I had a Palm Pilot I wasn’t using, and I was running on memory.

My memory failed. I forgot.

She was gracious and forgave me, and we set another time.

I forgot the second time too. And I wish I could claim some dramatic excuse — that I’d been kidnapped. No. I was at an electronics store. It was pathetic.

I don’t think she ever fully trusted or respected me again.

When someone doesn’t keep their word, something shifts in us and we see them differently. And every one of us has done it.

Sometimes it’s small — someone asks you to empty the dishwasher, you say you’ve got it, something comes up, and it doesn’t happen.

And sometimes it’s enormous. Sometimes it’s the kind of thing we’d never want anyone to know. You stood before a pastor and witnesses and promised faithfulness — and there was an affair, or a one-time encounter. Or you said you were finished with an addiction and would never return, and you’ve quietly gone back.

We’ve all broken our word.

Today Jesus Addresses a Big One

Today Jesus takes on divorce — one of the great breakings of our word.

I’ll admit up front that this will be awkward for some of us. It’s a difficult, sticky subject. Some of us have been through divorce. Some of us have parents, siblings, or children who have. It’s the sort of topic we prefer to avoid.

What I hope does not happen is that you leave feeling beaten up, or convinced that Jesus is old-fashioned and out of touch. What I hope is that by the end you’re genuinely encouraged — and, believe it or not, in awe of God.

Why We’re Talking About This on Baptism Sunday

Back in January, during our twenty-one days of prayer, I spoke a couple of times about baptism. Afterward, conversations began with two young people who wanted to be baptized.

We set a date and asked a neighboring church to borrow their tank — and learned that if we’d asked twenty-four hours earlier, that date would have worked. So we moved it. And we landed on today.

Then I checked my preaching calendar and saw Mark 10:1–12. I opened my Bible, saw the topic was divorce, and thought: absolutely not. We are not talking about divorce on baptism Sunday.

And then I got uncomfortable.

Because one of the reasons we teach through books of the Bible section by section is that it forces you to wrestle with hard subjects. I’m not against topical teaching — we do it here several times a year. But our steady diet is working through a book, because it makes us grapple honestly.

Too often we take Scripture and twist it to fit our culture. When you actually work through a book in order, you’re forced to decide: do I go with what my culture says, or what the Scriptures say?

So I couldn’t take the convenient route and postpone it until it was less awkward.

And as I wrestled through it back in March, I realized this is actually the perfect topic for today. I hope by the end you’ll be grateful God arranged it this way.

The Passage

Mark 10:1–12. Jesus leaves the northern region and comes down into Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gather to him again, and as was his custom he taught them.

Pharisees come up and, in order to test him, ask whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife.

He answers with a question: what did Moses command you? They reply that Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.

And Jesus says: because of your hardness of heart he wrote you that commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Later, in the house, the disciples ask him about it again. And he tells them that whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

Why They Asked

Judea was one of the most prominent regions of Israel — Jerusalem sits there. Most of Israel lay west of the Jordan, but this scene takes place on the east side. I think Mark wants us to see how far Jesus’s fame had spread, because yet another crowd has gathered.

The Pharisees arrive to test him. I suspect they were both concerned and jealous. Everyone is being drawn to a man who never went through their schooling. They can’t compete with his authority — he teaches unlike anyone else. They can’t compete with his miracles. And now they can’t compete with his magnetism.

It feels to them as though he’s pulling the reins of power away and, in their view, ruining Judaism. So they look for a way to stop him.

And the test question is divorce.

Two Camps — and a Possible Trap

At the time there were two main schools of thought. One held that the only legitimate ground for divorce was sexual unfaithfulness. The other — larger and more popular — held that a husband dissatisfied with his wife for any reason could issue a certificate of divorce, and it was final.

So perhaps they simply wanted to know which camp he fell into.

But one commentary I read suggests something sharper: they may have been trying to get Jesus in trouble with Herod.

Remember from a few chapters back: John the Baptist, Jesus’s cousin, had publicly declared that Herod’s marriage to Herodias was illegitimate. Herodias had been married to Herod’s brother Philip, and she left Philip for Herod. John called it what it was — adultery. Herod didn’t appreciate it, had John arrested, and John was eventually beheaded.

So some commentators believe the Pharisees were trying to get Jesus to align himself publicly with his cousin’s position, land in trouble with Herod, get arrested — and solve their problem for them.

You Have to Talk About Marriage First

Because they open with divorce, it’s tempting to jump straight there. But that isn’t wise — because in order to get divorced, you first have to get married.

Which is exactly what Jesus does.

He asks what Moses commanded — a brilliant move, turning the question back. They cite Deuteronomy: a man may give his wife a certificate of divorce, and it’s final.

And Jesus says: yes, it does say that — because of your hardened, selfish hearts.

And then he immediately goes back to marriage, quoting Genesis. Verse 6 is essentially Genesis 1:27 — God created humanity in his own image, male and female he created them. Verses 7 and 8 are essentially Genesis 2:24 — a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

“The Two Become One”

So Jesus, asked about divorce, goes all the way back to the beginning. I, God the Son, was there with the Father and the Spirit when we said “let us make humanity in our image.” To reflect the full image of God required male and female. And then in Genesis 2, God delights in joining them, and the two become one.

We see that oneness in the birth of a child — a father and mother, and out of them, one child.

We see it in the physical union of marriage.

And we see it emotionally. There is something about a husband and wife — even when they can’t stand each other, even when he’s wearing a “do not disturb” expression and she’s constantly frustrated — they still feel tied together.

Which is precisely why it hurts so much when it breaks.

The two become one. And the only one who can make two into one is God. So Jesus says: what God has joined, let no one separate.

The Permanence of Marriage

What Jesus is teaching here is the permanence of marriage: that when a husband and wife stand before God and exchange holy vows, it is meant to hold until one of them dies.

Which means breaking that vow is sin.

That’s why this conversation is so uncomfortable — so many people have been affected by divorce, and here’s a pastor saying it plainly.

Scriptural Exceptions

But I want you to know there are exceptions — two, and arguably three, where divorce would not be sin.

Jesus gives one in Matthew 19: except for sexual unfaithfulness. Because if the design is that the two become one, and one of them has given their body to someone outside the marriage, the vow has already been broken. Divorce in that case simply acknowledges what has already happened.

In 1 Corinthians 7, God writes through Paul that if you are married to an unbeliever and that unbelieving spouse leaves, you may let them go, and it is not sin. But as long as they want to remain, you make it a permanent marriage.

And I think a strong case can be made from Malachi 2 that where there is violent abuse in a marriage, divorce is likewise not sin.

Outside of those, there is no other ground. Which means: no longer finding her physically attractive is not grounds. His income falling short is not grounds. I don’t care how poor her cooking is, how loudly he snores, or what her taste in music is. Jesus says that when you stand before him and make those vows, it is meant to be permanent — so be a person of your word.

This Shocked His Culture Too

This is jarring to us. We live in a country with no-fault divorce, where if one person is unhappy they can file regardless of what the other wants. We’re a culture organized around the pursuit of happiness — if I’m unhappy in this marriage, I’ll go find someone who makes me happy.

But this was equally shocking in Jesus’s day.

Jewish men had taken that Deuteronomy passage and run with it. Under their law a woman could not divorce her husband at all. A husband simply drafted the certificate, handed it over, and it was finished.

He could be abusive. In many communities he could even take a second wife. She could do nothing. He could break every vow, and she was trapped.

In Defense of the Certificate

In fairness, the certificate itself was a protection. Without it a man could simply throw his wife out, and then later claim she abandoned him. The certificate proved the divorce and established publicly that she was free to remarry.

But she could not file for it. She could not initiate anything. And her only real options were returning to her parents or remarrying — she couldn’t simply get a job or lease an apartment. She was entirely dependent on her community, which made her position genuinely dangerous.

And men issued those certificates constantly. Divorce and remarriage were extremely common.

So for Jesus to stand before a crowd and argue for the permanence of marriage would have produced exactly the reaction we’re having.

The Disciples Are Shocked Too

Verse 10 tells us that back at the house, the disciples wanted to discuss it further. In Matthew’s version they blurt out that it would be better not to marry at all.

You might expect Jesus to soften it now that it’s just his own men. All right, I said it strongly out there, but here’s what I actually meant.

He doubles down.

And I want to point out two things.

First, he presses the permanence even further: even if a man issues the certificate, the world may consider them divorced, but in God’s eyes they remain joined. What God has united, a piece of paper does not tear apart. Which is why Jesus can describe a subsequent marriage as adultery — because in God’s eyes the original bond stands.

So What About Remarriage?

This gets more uncomfortable, because remarriage is common among us too. Does this mean anyone remarried should now divorce and return to a previous spouse?

No. Take the man from my opening story — four marriages, presumably four divorces. Should he now leave his current wife to try to return to the first? What if she no longer wants him? What if she’s remarried? Does he then try the second? The third?

I think what Jesus would say is this: the marriage you are in right now is your permanent marriage.

Maybe you had legitimate grounds for a previous divorce. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe the marriage you’re in now began, in God’s eyes, as adultery.

But there is forgiveness at the cross. Jesus forgives you of that sin. And having confessed it, you now find yourself in a marriage — this is your permanent marriage. Give everything to this one. Love and respect that person. Do it to honor God and to honor them.

And yes, it may be genuinely difficult right now. But the easy way out is not the answer. Jesus is saying stay with it — he can do far more inside that marriage than you realize.

The Second Thing: He Elevates Women

Notice the final phrase. After warning the husband, Jesus adds: and if she divorces her husband…

But we just said Jewish women couldn’t divorce their husbands.

Some scholars believe Mark added this for his largely Roman audience, since under Roman law a woman could initiate divorce. Others believe Jesus was being proactive — knowing the culture would eventually change and wanting these words on record.

But even conservative scholars I read this week argued that this phrase elevates women.

Because when men could issue certificates and women could do nothing, women were barely a step above property. Handing over that certificate functioned almost like selling off a possession.

And Jesus raises her standing by giving her exactly the same warning he gave the man.

Don’t misunderstand me — I believe men and women are different and complement each other beautifully. That does not mean the man matters more. Jesus is placing her on equal footing, because she could be just as tempted to want out. Maybe he isn’t faithful. Maybe he isn’t who she thought he was. And Jesus says to her as well: honor me. Stay with it.

Why Is Jesus So Passionate About This?

Let’s be honest — this is still hard. So let me try to shift your perspective by asking why Jesus cares this intensely, and why he doubles down in private.

Part of the answer we already have. Jesus was there at creation when male and female were made and brought together. He knows this was the design from the beginning, and God always knows best. He wants it because it’s for our good.

But there’s a second reason: marriage points to the gospel.

A Profound Mystery

In Ephesians, Paul writes about marriage. He addresses wives and points them to Jesus. He addresses husbands and points them to Jesus. And as he wraps up, he quotes the same verse Jesus quoted — Genesis 2:24, a man leaving father and mother, holding fast to his wife, the two becoming one flesh.

Then he says: this mystery is profound.

And we’d nod along — of course it’s profound. One man, one woman, and somehow two become one. We can see it without ever fully explaining it.

But Paul continues: and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Paul knows that when a husband and wife marry, they are reflecting the true marriage of heaven — between Christ and his church.

Earlier he told husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And how did Christ demonstrate that love? He died for her.

The Cross Was His Wedding Vow

So in a sense, when Jesus went to the cross he was speaking his marriage vows over the universal church.

I love you so much that although your sin separates you from me and my Father, I am going to pay your penalty. I will give everything for you. I will die your death and take your punishment — and then I will come back from the dead, so that we can be united and made one.

So if you find yourself doubting the goodness of God, or doubting his love — look at the cross. That is Jesus saying his vows: I give it all for you.

And we have the opportunity to say ours in return. Most people, when they grasp that the gospel is true, make their vow in prayer: God, I confess my sin. I know you died for me. So Jesus, because you gave your life for me, I now give my life to you.

And in that moment of faith, they are joined to God.

Then Comes the Ring

Whenever we do baptisms, I try to meet with each person beforehand — to hear their story and make sure they understand what this is and aren’t doing it for the wrong reasons. We open the Scriptures and study what baptism means. It’s one of my favorite parts of the job.

And with each of them, I use a wedding ring as an illustration.

On our wedding day, my wife and I stood on a stage, exchanged vows, and were united. But in that moment I was not yet wearing a ring.

And if I take my ring off now — am I still married? Yes. I’m still bound to her.

All the ring does is show everyone else whose life I’m bound to. I put it on, and the world knows I’m not available.

When a person gives their life to Christ, they are united to him. And then they put on a ring — and that ring is baptism.

Baptism declares: my life belongs to another. Jesus purchased me. I was in the clutches of sin, and he paid the ultimate price to bring me out and forgive me, so I could come into relationship with my Creator. I am tied to my God.

And the world needs to know. So you step into the water and say: my life is now joined to Jesus. I identify with his death, burial, and resurrection.

That is why baptism matters. And that is why I’m genuinely thankful God arranged for this passage to land on this particular Sunday.

Two Invitations

Which means two things.

First — for some of you, it’s time to give your life to Jesus. Maybe you’ve been coming a while, or maybe this is your first time, and you’ve been quietly exploring what it means to follow him. Today can be your spiritual birthday. Confess your sin and join yourself to Jesus. He has already gone to the cross and given everything for you, and now he says: I want you as mine.

Second — some of you have already made that step. You’d identify as a Christian. But you’ve never gone public. It’s as though you’ve had a secret ceremony with God and then walked around with no ring on, letting the world assume you’re still available.

Let me be clear about what baptism is not. You don’t do it to make us happy. You don’t do it to join a church. You don’t do it to wash away your sins — your sins are washed away at the cross of Jesus.

You do it to put on the wedding ring.

A Dirty Farm Pond

Running through this message last night, it suddenly struck me that we have a tank here. We have water. And it would be genuinely wrong of me not to make this available today.

Because some of you are hearing this and thinking: I love Jesus. I’ve given him my life. And I’ve never taken this step.

I know you didn’t bring a change of clothes. I know you don’t have a towel. We have towels. You can take off your shoes and step in.

That’s exactly how my own baptism happened. I was ten, I’d heard about baptism and thought it sounded strange, and I didn’t want any part of it. Then our church went out to a farm pond, and I started hearing people’s stories and watching what was happening — and it was as though the Holy Spirit said: I love you. I want you. It’s time.

So I walked up to my parents and told them I wanted to be baptized. They said we hadn’t brought a change of clothes or a towel. And a friend sitting beside them said, “We have an extra towel.”

And I walked into that muddy farm pond — and it became one of the most significant moments of my life.

So how wrong would it be for me to keep you from one of the most significant moments of yours?

A Prayer

Father, move in this place. Purify our motives — for why we take communion, for why anyone steps into that water. This isn’t about what I want or what any of us wants. It’s about you.

Because Jesus, we may not always be people of our word — but you are. So we can trust you in all things, including the difficult ones.

I pray for those in marriages where they are struggling. Give them hope. For those who don’t feel joined at all — where that one flesh is being torn and it hurts — bring healing and restoration, and help them see that you are with them in the pain.

And for those who have been through divorce, help them forgive themselves, and forgive others. Let the cross be what defines them.

In Jesus’s name, amen.