Many years ago, I ran into Tom* whom I hadn't seen for several months. Naturally, I asked how things were going, and he replied, "Actually... not too good. I'm going through a divorce." Because of my role as a pastor, Tom asked if we could get together, thinking I might be able to help him emotionally and spiritually, so we scheduled lunch to talk in greater depth.
As we enjoyed some food a couple days later, Tom began to share about his depression due to the divorce, and the confusing emotions he was experiencing. Hearing all of this caused me to naturally assume Tom's soon-to-be-ex had initiated the divorce. How wrong I was! So when I asked Tom why he filed, he said, "I basically didn't love her any longer."
That is how many people approach marriage and divorce. If you love them, you marry them. But if you don't love them anymore, you end it. Seems reasonable, right?
Not to Jesus.
As we continue in our Punch in the Face series, Jesus hits us yet again with a doozy of a statement, this time on the topic of divorce.
"It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV)
Under the Mosaic Law, a husband could end his marriage by handing her a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1). If he didn't like her cooking, found her annoying, or just didn't "love" her any longer, he could have a certificate drafted at the synagogue that morning, present it to her that afternoon, and she was out of the house by that evening.
That is why, after centuries of living under this civic pattern, Jesus' words shocked His audience. He seemed to be claiming a better way: a way of faithful, committed love that held to the marital vows no matter what. This idea was so shocking, that when Jesus brought this concept up again in Matthew 19, His disciples reacted...
“If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry!” (Matthew 19:10, ESV)
Why was Jesus so "narrow minded" for suggesting a life of no divorce (except in the case of infidelity)? Because marriage reflects the gospel!
The gospel shows us the committed love of God for you. As it says in Romans 5:8, "God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
So, if you, who is made in the image of God, has chosen to be a follower of Jesus, then you are called to live with the same committed love toward a spouse that God has for His people, forgiving him or her when he/she falls short.
Yes, marriage can be hard. And yet, at the same time, there is something profoundly beautiful in a marriage relationship that is based on love, grace, and commitment.
So may you hear the "punch" of Jesus from Matthew 5, and (whether you are married or not) seek to live out Hebrews 13:4, "Let marriage be honored by all."
*name changed for privacy
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