Self-criticism vs. Self-compassionate

We often repeat what we hear.

For instance, when you hear something shocking on the news, or helpful from a friend, or surprising on a podcast, you are prone to share it with someone, whether a close family member or the stranger in the grocery store checkout line—because we repeat what we hear.

So if, during childhood, you heard, "You're not very smart, or athletic, or attractive, or talented..." your brain will repeat those words over and over until you believe it to be true (whether it is or not). I've heard this from women who have struggled with an eating disorder, men who act passively in their relationships, and children who live in fear of their demanding parents. Occasionally, a person with a bit of a rebellious streak will use those harmful words as motivation to prove the original speaker wrong. But it is more common for a person to get stuck in a mindset of self-criticism.

Freeing Your Mind Through the Gospel

Today, for week three of our What's Your Mindset? series, we are looking at the contrast of a self-critical mindset with one filled with compassion for self. And it turns out that the core tenet of Christianity is exactly what a person needs to shift their mindset.

When a person constantly lambastes themselves, whether silently or aloud, he or she is berating an image bearer. But the image of God within humans reveals their tremendous worth. Humans might be horrifically sick with sin, but they are not trash, for Jesus would never have died for something worthless. (Ever considered how much an image bearer is worth? The very blood of the Son of God!)

So just as it is anti-Christlike to insult and "dress down" a fellow human (1 Peter 3:9), it is equally wrong to do the same to yourself. Constantly reprimanding yourself isn't humility; it is an offense to God.

Which is why you should give compassion to yourself. Just as God gave you extreme grace through the cross, you need to give grace to whomever God gives grace, which includes yourself. Because you are not a better judge than God!

Never Criticize?

Now, giving yourself grace doesn't mean criticism doesn't have its place. You are not perfect, which is why God tells us in Romans 12:3 to think of ourselves with sober judgment. Critically looking at your emotions, behaviors, thoughts, or internal dialogue can be extremely healthy. How will you grow into Christlikeness if you aren't willing to look internally with honesty?

But that introspection needs to be seasoned with grace. You aren't a complete failure if you failed once. So don't beat yourself up mentally. Learn from the mistake, but move ahead into the person God is calling you to be.

If you need an example, look no further than the disciple known as Peter. As you read the four Gospels, you can't help but notice that Simon Peter made a lot of mistakes. He seemed to have a personality that spoke before thinking, even being harshly rebuked by Jesus at one point for speaking foolishly. Yet, Jesus still called Peter to be a great leader for the early church despite his proclivity to contract insert-foot-in-mouth disease. If Jesus can give such amazing grace to Peter, the one who denied even knowing Christ, then He can give such grace to you. And if Jesus, the Perfect One, can compassionately give grace to you, you can "love like Jesus loved" and give yourself the same compassionate grace.

So when you begin to treat yourself harshly and unfairly, may you listen to the Holy Spirit's reminder to show yourself compassion, as one who is dearly beloved by the Father.